Paul On Stress

Paul On Stress
by Ken Williams, Ph.D.

The apostle Paul was an incredible missionary, but not without his problems.  Amazingly, he endured many difficulties and hardships, even though he wasn't particularly strong emotionally.  To discover his secret of emotional health under stress, Ken Williams traveled back in time and was able to meet with him in Rome, where he was under guard.  Paul happily consented to the interview and granted permission to Images to share his ideas.


KEN: Paul, I've studied your letters and Luke's vivid description of your long and fruitful missionary life.  You are truly amazing!

PAUL: Why would you say that?  I really haven't done anything out of the ordinary.

KEN: Well, you talked a lot about your weaknesses and struggles.  Yet you traveled all over the world as you know it and shared the gospel everywhere.  You endured really hard stuff that would have blown me away.  But you made it, and you seem to be really healthy emotionally.

PAUL: If you read my letters then you know that I did it in Christ's strength, not my own. That's the key. Remember? His power is made perfect in my weakness. Living in His strength rather than my own made the difference for me.

KEN: Yeah, but there's got to be more to it than that.  In your second letter to the Corinthian Christians, you talked about 45 different kinds of terrible hardships you had experienced, but you came through all of them well.  Come on, tell how you did it.

PAUL: You counted all those struggles?  I didn't realize I had gone on about them so much.  Okay, I'll let you in on a few of my strategies, but you'll have to dig the rest of them out of the Word.  The first thing that comes to mind is  that I'm very free to feel and express my emotions.  I like to call it being "HOT" -- honest, open and transparent.  I don't apologize or feel guilty about my feelings and I freely share them with my friends.  Being honest with myself, God, and others about my feelings is one of my secrets to emotional health.

KEN: Wow!  That's awesome, when I think about how slow a lot of us modern missionaries are to talk about our feelings, especially our painful ones.  We're so reluctant that sometimes we even try to tell ourselves we don't feel them.  We're afraid we won't be seen as spiritual, I guess.  As you can tell, I like to count things.  I counted no less than 33 different feelings you mentioned in your letters and 20 of those were what we call negative -- feelings like fear, anxiety, shame, regret, anguish, humiliation and a lot more.  Is it really okay to have feelings like these and talk about them?

PAUL: Of course it is.  You 20th century missionaries must really be messed up!  Don't you know how we Bible characters are so HOT about this?  This is being just like God.  Doesn't He feel all kinds of feelings and talk about them?  Why can't we?  In fact, when we do, we that the first step to emotional health.  You can't be healthy and lie about how you feel, whether you're talking about physical or emotional health.  So tell your missionary friends to be honest and not be ashamed of their feelings.  Tell them to encourage each other to be honest and don't condemn each other for what they feel.

By the way, they need to know that emotional health does not mean never feeling bad or never being hurt emotionally.  Remember, physical health doesn't mean we're never sick or wounded, but that we bounce back to health again.  In the same way, emotionally healthy people can be wounded, but they bounce back.

KEN: That's really helpful, Paul.  What else has helped you keep healthy emotionally all these years?

PAUL: Well, I've had a lot of help from others.  In fact, I couldn't survive without them.  I went out of my way to  build strong relationships with friends and coworkers.  They have ministered to me, not only in practical ways but to my emotional needs too.  And, I've ministered to them.  God never intended for us to serve Him alone.  I'll never forget how often Onesiphorus refreshed me when I was in prison in Ephesus.  And how God comforted and strengthened me through friends like Timothy, Titus, Phoebe, Silas and even Mark.  I wonder how many people God used to help me through hard times.

KEN: I counted no less that 77 people you mentioned in your letters as being significant to you in some way.

PAUL:You really do like to count things, don't you.  I've heard that some of you modern missionaries try to get along without much help from others.

KEN: When I became a missionary, most missions seemed to want independent people who could make it on their own.  We all through that needing others was weakness.  That didn't work very well, as you can imagine.  I've really been challenged to build strong friendships as I've read how God used friends in your life, Paul.

PAUL: Thanks.  I hope you'll tell other missionaries to put high priority on building strong friendships, in which they can minister to others and let themselves be ministered to.  That makes for strong emotional stability, especially in hard times.  I know what I'm talking about.

KEN: What have you done to keep yourself whole when the stress has been overwhelming, Paul?

PAUL: One strategy I've used is to do something about the situation if I can't handle it.  When I was in Athens one time I couldn't stand the stress of not knowing what had happened to the Thessalonian believers.  So Silas and I sent Timothy to check on them.  Another time in Troas, the Lord opened a door for the gospel, but I didn't find Titus there.  I had no peace of mind so I left there and went to Macedonia.  The point is, it's better to change the situation or even leave than to damage yourself emotionally.

KEN: That's very encouraging to hear.  As a counselor, I've had to help missionaries who stayed in situations longer than they should have and suffered severe mental problems.  A lot of them aren't even serving God today as a result.  We sometimes call it "burnout."  We seem to see it as a major failure if we can't handle every situation, but you're giving us permission to get out if we need to.  I'll pass that on. Can you share anything else that helps you?

PAUL: I've built a couple of habits over the years that no missionary should be without.  First, I've learned to choose an attitude of gratitude, no matter how difficult things are.  Even when I feel terrible emotionally.  Long ago, I learned that, even when I feel bad, I can choose to be grateful to God.  It's still hard to do at times, but God always brings emotional stability when I choose to thank Him and praise Him.  As you know, I told the Corinthians about the time I had no peace of mind in Troas and left.   Remember what I said next?  "But thanks to God ..."  Even when I felt I had to miss a great opportunity for the gospel, I still chose an attitude of gratitude.  

A second habit I keep working on is to choose joy, especially in hard times.  Did you know we have a choice to rejoice, no matter what the circumstances?  If only missionaries in your times could build this habit, I'm sure they would have a lot less emotional upheaval.  What do you think?


KEN: I agree.  In fact, I try to follow your example of choosing joy, and the Lord really does give joy, even in very difficult times.  Did you know that you mentioned joy 14 times in your letter to the Philippians?  And you were in prison at the time?  Paul, I want you to know that the Lord has never failed to give me joy when I've chosen gratitude and joy.  I'm very grateful to you for showing the way.

PAUL: It's really the Lord who shows the way.  Remember, for the joy set before Him He endured the cross.  Hey, they are going to be changing guards soon.  Any other questions?

KEN: This has been a great help and I can't wait to share it with other missionaries.  Before I go, can you just briefly mention a few other strategies you've used to keep your head on straight all these years?  Hopefully my missionary friends can study them in more detail and learn how to apply them.

PAUL: Sure.  I'll just run through several but I won't tell you where they are in the Bible.  Missionaries are mature enough to find them without help. I had to keep working at relying on the Lord, not on myself.  Of course, I didn't have one of those computers you talked about, so it was easier for me to rely on the Lord than for you.   I refused to compare myself with others.  I wish every missionary would learn to do that.  Comparing ourselves causes such emotional uproar.   I freely admitted my weaknesses and learned to accept them, yes, even delight in them.  That brought great peace of mind and joy in the Lord.   I had my share of conflicts with other missionaries, including Barnabas and Peter, but I didn't run away.  Dealing openly with conflicts was painful for me, but it sure helped me to stay emotionally healthy.   When things looked impossible, I chose to believe in God.  As you must know, Ken, emotional health for us missionaries depends on choosing to believe Him when doubts try to take over our minds and hearts.   Finally, I worked hard at focusing on eternal realities rather than just looking at present circumstances.  This helped me not to lost heart when times were tough.

KEN: Paul, I'll pass these insights on and hope that many missionaries will work on following your example, as you have followed Christ's example. As they do, I'm sure they will experience your kind of emotional health, even in tough times. Thanks for sharing out of your own life.

1995 Kenneth L. Williams, Ph.D.
Permission granted to copy for nonprofit use